Week 0 – Wednesday
Today was the first day I went to work after starting the treatment, working my usual 3:30 to 10 pm shift. During the morning I was sure I could identify a slight feeling of sadness, a sense of being ‘low’. An after-effect of the ‘high’, the relief that I hadn’t come down with a ‘dose of the flu’ as I had anticipated?
However, after a few hours at work I again felt very low – I suddenly thought “I can’t keep my mind together to organise what I am doing here. I want to go home to bed – the side effects are showing themselves and I am so exhausted I cannot work. I won’t be able to do this job, I’ll have to give it up.” I felt myself spiralling down and down. I pulled myself together enough to decide to take my meal break, just to take some time to think what to do. As I ate I realised I was actually very hungry – but hadn’t felt any sense of hunger beforehand at all. This same ‘absence of appetite’ had led me to have a very light lunch earlier in the day. Twenty to thirty minutes after I had eaten I felt fine.
This absence of any hunger was a new experience for me – I have always felt hungry with a good appetite for my food. It made me realise I need to keep track of how much I am eating to ensure I have sufficient food in me. Otherwise I plunge into some sort of emotional abyss. It also made me aware that what I had thought was emotional or psychological was actually physiological.
I heard today that the documentary film about HepC, which I have been asked to take part in, has received funding and will go ahead. I am looking forward to meeting the film-maker Gemma in the near future. I continue to think it is important to let people know what it’s like having HepC and going through the treatment – to talk about it aloud and publicly. Too many people who are infected feel it is a stigma and they can’t disclose it. I feel very strongly about this and without doubt will write about topic in more detail later in this blog!