Week 2 - Tuesday
I feel rough today - just very tired. No headaches or symptoms of flu but I feel very floppy and fatigued. It’s like not being able to wake up properly, but it just carries on and on. I am there, but not alert. I can think about what needs to be done next - but I can’t find any energy or enthusiasm to do it. To drive myself would take considerable effort and, from previous experience I know, wouldn’t really pay off. I end up making a mess of whatever it is, get very irritated with myself and every one else, and often become very clumsy (dropping something or forgetting essential factors, etc). Then I find myself in such a determined/fight mode I end up feeling a failure when I get simple things wrong - and cannot recognise what achievements I have made.
I have learned it is better to go with how I am feeling and call it ‘one of those days’. Usually there is nothing so urgent that it cannot be put off to another day when I will accomplish it much more easily and safely. Acknowledging to myself that this is how I am today and letting it go at that helps me to get through the day more easily than fighting myself, giving myself a hard time over it and feeling very negative as a result.
I think I have been so tired as a cumulative result of the medication and working five days in a row recently, whereas I usually do only three. It often takes me 2 or 3 days to recuperate from a late night or unusual working patterns.
It feels odd to explain I feel tired from working five days in a row - in the past I have regularly worked up to 50 hours a week, often over six days in the week. And everyone else is up and doing five days per week as usual, except me! I feel guilty that I am tired - as if I shouldn’t be malingering. I remind myself I am ill.
I remind myself that I read this on the hepCuk.info website about the treatment:
“Expect to feel more tired than usual and not to be able to do as much as you were doing before. Take more rest when you need it and don’t feel bad about it - even if you’re not doing much, your immune system is working flat out.”
I am ending my day by crawling into bed about 7:30 pm; after a bit of reading and telly I will happily gave in to sleep again.