Week 4 - Saturday
I look forward to the weekend break as much now that I work only part-time as I did when I was fully occupied. I want a day to laze about. I didn’t so much laze about today as really never ‘come to’.
This afternoon we ventured out to the nearest shopping centre for a few things. I was aware of the bombardment of noise and jostling of people in the Christmas crowds. Christmas music playing in each shop, more music in the shopping centre walkways, music coming from portable players carried by people collecting for charity. And the flashing lights! Everywhere.
In the queue in Marks, I heard a woman in her forties speaking decibels above the rest - “It is a pretty bra, I always buy underwear in sets, I get a few pairs of pants at the same time so they’re in sets”. More than we needed to know. Then in a confidential tone almost as loud as the rest - “do you change your bra everyday - no I don’t either”. Amazing. She was behaving as if she and her companion were totally on their own in some world completely apart from the dozens of people standing within earshot. Meanwhile, I was feeling very connected up to an inordinate amount of stimulation and overload and also feeling increasingly unable to cope with it all.
I began to feel like my head was swimming - not quite dizzy, but perhaps I might be lurching to one side as I walked along. Very distracting. I think this is my low haemoglobin levels - lack of oxygen to the brain? Or is it low blood sugar levels?
I also notice my breathing is shallow and that I get out of breath easily.
I fear I am beginning to sound like an elderly man in his eighties! I also fear that these haemoglobin and sugar levels are beginning to affect me. I know I have to go back for a further blood test on the 21st December. I fear that something might be going sufficiently wrong that my treatment could be undermined or put in jeopardy.