Week 8 - Tuesday
Because it was Carol’s birthday yesterday we had visitors, Ben & Sofia, and we all travelled into town to meet with Phil to go out for a celebratory meal together in the evening.
So, my injection was hurriedly carried out during the afternoon before the celebrations began. Remembered which site - left stomach area, there were no air bubbles this time in the syringe! All went smoothly and quickly before anyone even noticed I had left the room to do the job!
We did have a good afternoon and evening together as a family. Although we were home fairly early I was exhausted. I noticed I was having trouble keeping pace with everyone else as we walked along the streets in town and that I am short of breath when I walk.
When I said to Carol I felt my pace had slowed everyone up she pointed out that not everyone who had injected interferon would have been able, on the same day, to participate in a family get-together, travel into central London and go out for a meal in a restaurant - so you are fortunate to have done this much. There - positively re-framed! I catch myself now more frequently entertaining the ‘negative’ side of situations rather than seeing the positive for myself.
For the past few months I know I have been able to see the positives and it makes me aware that I need to keep working at maintaining my equilibrium as it is so easy to slip into the negative. I believe picking up on these small instances helps me to, well, re-frame my perspective and keep up the positive attitude which is necessary to support this treatment. It would be so easy to slip into feeling “sorry for myself” (for example, that my walking pace has slowed up) and next into being a “professionally ill person” or invalid. I think after that comes “victim” mentality.
I came across the following on the Hepatitis C Outreach Project weblog:
The Answers to Why Me?….
A Victim asks how long will it take to feel good.
A Survivor decides to feel good even when things aren’t so great.
A Victim grinds to a halt.
A Survivor keeps putting one foot in front of the other.
A Victim wallows in self-pity.
A Survivor comforts others.
A Victim is jealous of someone else’s success.
A Survivor is inspired by it.
A Victim focuses on the pain of loss.
A Survivor cherishes remembering joy.
A Victim seeks retribution.
A Survivor seeks redemption.
AND MOST OF ALL:
A Victim argues with life
A Survivor embraces it.
Borrowing from this victim/survivor analogy, I think it is important for me to stay in touch with the positive perspective that defines the Survivor! I also suspect this is true for anyone who goes through this long-haul treatment.