Week 30 - Sunday: Now I’m Feeling Really Irritated
Enough of the cutesy ‘grumpy’ label - I feel damned irritable. I feel like a walking bundle of irritation which can be set off by almost anything.
In the past two days these are the things which made me almost apoplectic:
▪ Because I have had over 2 dozen emails this week containing viruses - all addressed from names like admin@ronmetcalfe.com, accounts@ron metcalfe.com, register@ronmetcalfe.com, I ignored a number from bandwidth@ronmetcalfe.com. The latter were genuine - warning me I was about to exceed my bandwidth allowance on my account. So the site went down for a bit yesterday until my internet host server (Ben) sorted it out for me. Spammers are perverse sickies.
▪ A neighbour is installing a new shed of some sort - the roof of which is higher than the fence and spoils our otherwise completely uninterrupted view of garden and neighbourhood trees from our breakfast room window.
▪ I returned a bunch of flowers I bought from M&S because two had completely blossomed and blown while the rest remained as unopened buds
▪ The M&S staff was very friendly and polite - immediately inviting me to select any bunch of flowers from the display as a replacement while she went to get my money back; no opportunity to complain there then.
▪ Also while I was out, I returned a food item to Holland & Barrett which had been sold with an expired sell by date; they told me it wasn’t out of date - the date stamp said 06 not 05. When I said ’so you’re telling me I’m wrong’; ‘yes’. I did rant and left the shop saying I wouldn’t return - ‘that’s your prerogative’.
▪ Sainsbury didn’t have any Danish pastries today
▪ The checkout till wouldn’t process my purchases to produce a transaction slip for me to sign; after five minutes waiting I was sent to Customer Services - who said oh you need a bypass on this card don’t you. I don’t need a bypass - your computer system does.
▪ Sainsbury staff told me, yet again, I would have to use a PIN number (rather than sign) for purchases on my card ‘in a few weeks’. I know it will not become mandatory to use a PIN number until December 2005.
▪ I saw a family friend as I was leaving Sainsbury - he sociably enough wanted to chat about ‘the kids and the family’; I was so irritated already I had to really curtail the urge to say piss off but managed to cut short the conversation as quickly as possible. (Well he hadn’t done anything so I felt he didn’t deserve a share of my feelings)
▪ London Underground has sent round a letter telling us about refurbishment to our local tube station - reassuring us services won’t be interrupted - some works will be carried out between 1 and 5 am. I decided this is a subtle way of fore-warning us there will be construction noise in the middle of the night. I rang the Information number given in the letter - a call centre of course. She immediately wanted to know my telephone number, my name, my initials. I hung up. I called her to ask a question and she asked me three questions before I could get anywhere. I also suspect the questions were preparation for telling me she didn’t know the answer - speak to someone else or someone will call me. Meanwhile the stats get racked up showing good customer service and responsiveness to customer concerns.
Carol and I went for a leisurely enjoyable walk this morning in a country park near to us. Through tall forest trees and around a lake where kids were taking canoeing lessons, enthusiasts were running remote control boats, and the wildlife sanctuary at the other end of the lake had yellow water lilies in bloom and families of ducks, moor hens and Canada geese swimming about. The sun was shining and warm. The shade in the forest was cool and calm.
This afternoon it is overcast, gloomy and cooler - like a different day. I am too irritated to be bothered - or perhaps to dare, go to yoga class today. Too much potential for more apoplexy. I am liking Paul’s idea of cocooning myself in bed and watching videos. Damn it - we don’t usually watch TV in bed any more so the video in our bedroom isn’t wired up or set up at the moment - and I don’t have any videos to watch - except the TV programme about the woman with multiple personality disorders and I am not in the mood for that. No one gets to be worse off than me today.
I read the comments on my last post about being grumpy. I found them supportive and kind to me. Letting rip at appropriate times, ‘letting go’ of emotions, catharsis, visualisations, morphing or metabolising feelings - all are part of my repertoire and regular practices. They have helped me this week - and maybe I need to do more. I suppose my point about all this is what Sue commented on - the heightened emotionality I am experiencing.
When I look at my ‘irritable list’, none of these items (or all of them together for that matter) would ordinarily upset my sense of equilibrium. I would process my emotions over each item and move on. But my reactions are so big to things so small. I can’t keep up. That is what is both interesting and surprising to me (well, shocking actually). And so difficult to work through as there is so much raging. And leaves me wondering - is there more and more of this to come over the last part of this treatment?
June 12th, 2005 at 7:21 pm
Hi Ron,
I think that with that catalogue of irritants, you would be justified in getting fairly ratty without the ribavirin, let alone with it! Why should you just put up with it? We can’t all be calm and collected all of the time, and the occasional explosion is fully justified. You get more respect nowadays for blowing your top than for being nice, so regard it as educating the masses in how to treat awkward customers!
Martin
June 13th, 2005 at 1:35 am
Hi Ron,
Sorry to hear you’re feeling so irritable. You did provoke several smiles from me, however, particularly with reference to wanting to tell your poor, innocent friend to piss off and, also, the part about no one getting to be worse off than you today. Go with it! Comforting to hear that I’m not alone in being continuously surprised at just how over the edge my responses seem to be to just about everything. And that knowing that they are doesn’t help to alleviate it!
Sue
June 13th, 2005 at 5:39 pm
I can empathise, Ron. However, maybe all the grumpiness is really about those aspects of modern life set up for the convenience of large companies, designed to demonstrate achievement of targets or to cover the fact that they are too big, no-one knows who’s responsible for what and it’s easier to let some poor untrained call centre operaor to handle the flak rather than have managers who do their jobs effectively.
Most people seem to keep a lid on their feelings and assume it’s just part of change and progress - so it’s ok. I disagree. It’s a sign that customers are no longer important. We are clients providing profit and to be treated as the cash machines we are.
Companies have always had to make profits - but now we have targets, performance management and success criteria - the be all and end all of working life - the master plan to which everyone conforms in order to produce statistics which make those at the top seem effective.
If only more people got irritated and acted on their irritation, maybe the customer would become important again and ‘rip-off Britain’ would become a more pleasant place to live.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Hi Ron! talk about brain fog! I’ve only just been able to read your blogs. My nurse told me about your site at our last appointment a month ago. I’m now in week 12 and going for that blood test tomorrow. I admit to being scared.
The last couple of days the fog has lifted and I’ve been able to cope with the PC.I’m longing to get back to riding my bike, painting and writing. Who knows if tomorrow’s injection won’t bring down the mists again.
Reading your stuff is a big help. Thanks for that.
If I get the all-clear after tomorrow’s blood test, I will try and do my own blog.
Malcolm.
July 31st, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Hi Malcolm
Hope your blood test tomorrow brings good news to help you on your way through the rest of the treatment journey. The fog will probably continue - I still get bouts of it months later (or maybe that’s just age)
Wishing you well
Ron
August 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Hi Ron. It was encouraging to get a reply to my comment. I wont have the result of the week 12 blood test until 29th August, but going on the week 4 blood test it looks like I’m in for the next 35 weeks. I had been really ok for about 5 days then suddenly felt really depressed on Saturday. I rang the Samaritans and they were quite nice. I’m on my own which is tricky.
Tomorrow(Monday 6th) I’m going to the Hep C trust to check it out. I feel I’m not getting the right support. Anyway it’s just about two streets away from me. Although I normally go to bed about 7.
All the best
Malcolm