Week 31 - Friday: And Back To Equilibrium
I am relieved to say that I have found my centre or equilibrium again after the recent few days of riba-raging. In my therapy this week I kept checking myself out - yes I do feel ok, yes I do feel positive again about me and the treatment. It has passed. And I have coped. In the ways that I can find at the moment. I did use a -primal scream - strategy several times - opening my mouth and letting it all out at considerable volume. Did make me hoarse but it helped release the frustrations. And Reiki, meditations and counselling helped me get back to my equilibrium.
I know I can let rip at people - did that several times last weekend. It didn’t really help though or bring relief - because it is the drugs that cause my raging not the people. Sure they provide a convenient “hook” to hang my rage on (like saying the wrong thing to me, etc) but people always have (and always will). And I was raging in a different way than I usually do when presented with these ‘hooks’ - Over The Top. It’s the drugs I am frustrated with - how do I let rip at the drugs? That’s how I got to the “primal scream”, visualising my anger at those drugs and just letting it go. And it seems much fairer to other people, who really don’t deserve a large helping of OTT over small incidents.
So for the moment I am back to a reasonably good space and learning from my recent experience. I really am not the person I used to be a few years ago - I would never have gone through what I have just written about or used the coping mechanisms I described. And I feel better than the person I used to be a few years ago. Hepatitis C has changed my life - and not for the worst.
A few days ago I was writing about the spamming - and reassuring people it isn’t me sending out those emails with viruses!!
In a recent news release on the BBC News Online, the UK National Infrastructure Security Co-ordination Centre’s (NISCC) warns this current bombardment of viruses is a serious and organised threat to UK businesses and government. It describes the use of emails - very much like the ones I put in my blog, as part of a well organised, structured and sophisticated industrial attack on organisations and businesses.
Well they’re not that organised and sophisticated. I guess having a .com domain (common to businesses), my site falls within the target parameters but “My Hepatitis C Weblog” clearly is not part of a critical infrastructure, such as telecommunications, energy, power station networks or government.
So while the onslaught continues (I received another 50 infected emails yesterday) at least no one is seriously going to think it was little me behind it. (Do you think the treatment tends to make one a bit on the paranoid side?)
June 18th, 2005 at 3:05 pm
Hi Ron,
Its good to hear you are feeling centred again and to read all those positive remarks about how you’ve grown and developed since having hep c. It is a life changing experience.
Now you’ve found your coping strategies for the riba rage, you’ll be better prepared to cope should it occur again and you will have the benefit of hindsight to be assured it will pass.
Hope you had a good place to let out your primal scream, I did this once when my father had died and the neighbours banged on the walls! Fortunately I’ve moved since then and should be able to scream to my hearts content should the need arise.
I noticed you visited my blogsite, but my first reply to your comments was misdirected, I’d got you mixed up with another blogger. Just to set the record straight I did not laugh out loud at your predicament last week.
I hope you’ve solved all your spamming problems by now and that you continue to remain positive.
Good wishes
Miss Poppy
June 18th, 2005 at 10:21 pm
Comment:
It is a brave new world we live in. Glad you are feeling better Ron - 2/3 complete - big congratulations!
Sue
June 18th, 2005 at 10:22 pm
Terminator 3 The rise of the machines. It was all posible because of a virus introduced into the internet that crippled business, but more importantly military installations.
Don`t worry these are just practice runs. The real stuff has yet to happen.
Does treatment make you paranoid? Of course not - they were there all the time you needed the drugs to see them.
Glad you are feeling better. But I find other people are more stupid and irritating on tx.
Paul.