Living Without HepC

Today I went to my 3 month post-treatment appointment with MyNurse. At the clinic I was pleased to meet someone else on treatment who is a member of the Forum and to hear her views of how useful the Forum has been to her during treatment, as well as a little about her experience of treatment.

Blood pressure and weight checks out of the way, MyNurse asked how I have been feeling since the end of treatment. It was useful to try to summarise what has been going on for me during this period of time.

I still have some of the physical sides effects of treatment – some brain-fog at times, trouble getting to sleep, low energy, some aches and pains occasionally (including liver). But all in a less intense way than on treatment.

I think the treatment really took it out of me – knocked the stuffing out of me, sapped my vitality, any of these expressions. And I am still feeling this, although slightly less as the weeks go by. It was reassuring to hear MyNurse say this is usual after treatment – and the 48 weeks of peg interferon and ribavirin does take it out of you. More so than the 24 weeks, which is logical. I will be feeling differently in another 3 months – it does take up to 6 months to get the meds out of your system. She says she forewarned this before I started treatment. I believe her – but at that point I was so focused on starting treatment – and have had so much brain-fog since, I really don’t remember that discussion. (There’s a example of taking notes in appointments being useful for future reflection!)

I still feel the reverberations of the roller coaster effect of treatment emotionally too. I think treatment has taken its toll on me emotionally as well. I still have days when I feel very ‘heavy’ emotionally and sometimes low. My mind is more lively (what I call having my wits back instead of that drugged up feeling) and although I am thinking about what I want to be doing with my life I still don’t have the ability to get on with the things I want to do. Again I was reassured when MyNurse put that into words before I said it. She’s heard it all before.

Very usefully, MyNurse pointed out during treatment I often commented feeling slowed down like a very old man and that I was bound to still feel some of this too – which I do. I have been wondering recently how much this is a side-effect that will just remain. Her commenting on it first – as if it is usual, makes me think this will recede and I will feel my real age again soon. I’m not ready to be an old man yet.

And she repeated a familiar message that others have said to me, one I’ve repeated to myself before and also said to others: don’t give yourself a hard time about what you’re not doing now – it will come in time.

I’m aware that I’m writing fairly much the same news and same picture that I’ve been writing about over the past few weeks about myself. Recently, however, I’ve begun to think – this is it, this has been my ‘return to health’. What I’m experiencing will just go on and these side-effects will just remain – the permanent effects of treatment.

So today I’m feeling more reassured there is change yet to happen and I can look forward to leaving these doldrums behind. Carol and I are taking a short break in Spain soon. This will mark the end of the 3 months post-treatment, and the beginning I hope of a more fruitful and productive phase of returning to health.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 9th, 2006 at 8:36 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.